Take the word “bromance”: It’s tinged with almost homophobic snark, as if two men can’t enjoy a platonic relationship that actually means something. Instead, we need to poke it a bit and bring it down a notch. We treat a group of guys hanging out together as some sort of anthropological oddity. We call it “male bonding,” as if it’s somehow not the same as any other two people hanging out and enjoying each other’s company.
But isn’t spending time with people you like the basis of what a good life is all about?
In fact, we know that supportive relationships with friends are among one of the strongest predictors of longevity(link is external). How do we know this? It’s not that only women are being studied. In fact, one of the most thorough longitudinal studies of all time—the Harvard “Grant” Study, which began in the late 1930s—has followed men alone. And as its long-time lead investigator George Vaillant has put it, the study has solidly reinforced the fact that warm relationships in young adulthood predict later happiness, in addition to mental and physical health.
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Solid, quality friendships are associated with healthier immune systems, lower blood pressure, lessened risk of depression and anxiety disorders, improved prognosis after the diagnosis of cancer, and even decreased risk of dementia. Loneliness and low social support, by contrast, are associated with an increased risk of heart disease.
Creating good relationships, and prioritizing them as something to spend your time and emotional energy on, is a health issue—not unlike remembering to floss or dragging yourself onto the elliptical machine. Hanging out with friends is neither frivolous nor a luxury: It’s a basic necessity in taking care of ourselves, and arguably among the activities that, looking back, will have imbued our lives with the most meaning.
Whether they’re watching a game, having a beer, or—gasp!—getting together just to have a conversation, let’s celebrate that men can get just as much out of friendships as women can. And let’s stop speaking of male friendships in a way that subtly makes fun of them or makes them the object of scorn or embarrassment, so we can stop making it more difficult for them to pursue a part of life that is so very important to their happiness.